Alias: Adult

Emily, Emily

2009-09-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Life is difficult. There are too many issues, concerns, & just plain stuff for this little soul to handle. God spoke to my poor little soul tonight at church.

The speaker, who I only got to hear the last bit of because it was a Saw You at the Pole rally which started at 6 and I thought normal church started at 7,.... anyway.

The speaker used these two verses.
Luke 10:41-42 "But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her."

He said that "portion" here referred to the idea of "enough".

This made me think of my favorite song, "His Eye is on the Sparrow"
"Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart be lonely? And long for Heaven and Home? When Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."

In so many ways, I am like Martha. I like to plan everything, iron out every single wrinkle... OCD perhaps. Life, however, is not like that. I can't make everything work. I have no power to. I can't solve the world's problems. It is not in me.

I can, however, sit at the feet of the One who has all power and is the answer to the world's problems. This stubborn, worry-filled Martha chooses to be Mary. I WILL sit at His feet. Yes, my eyes may dart to the dust on the shelves, the meal to be prepared, the problem to be fixed, but I will train them back on the One who is my portion, who is enough.

Lord, help me stay here at Your feet.

Love,
"Mary"

Mending the Soil

2009-09-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I quarantined myself today... nothing serious.... just a low grade temp last night. I think it's probably sinus mess. However, I always get frustrated when sick people come out in public to share their germs so I have prescribed uber liquids for today and will stay away from people. Also, there is no telling what I've been exposed to... the joys of public librarianship ;o) (I love my job though)

Anyway....I turned on the tv while I was eating my lunch of Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup w/ club crackers. :) I caught the end of a sermon being preached on the parable of the sower. He was talking about a "cultivated heart".

This reminded me of something a patron said a few months ago (about gardening):"You've got to mend the soil."

It takes work. We've got to seek Him, His word, and His will.

But He is faithful..... "And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:10

Our seeking will not go unanswered.

The preacher also mentioned the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5, something which has been on my heart lately.

It is my prayer that He will mend my soil/soul and cultivate the fruits of the Spirit in me. All praise to Him for His wonderful faithfulness!

A Bumper Crop of White Paint

2009-09-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Alva is one of the absolute sweetest people God has ever placed on this earth. Her driveway, however, is pure evil. (see diagram)

Ellen, Anne, & I went to see Mrs. Alva the other day. Ellen drove. The visit was great despite the fact that Anne whispered to me the entire hour. :P It got time to leave so we got our Mrs. Alva hugs and left. Ellen had to move the van halfway through the visit and ended up parking here. (see diagram)

Now along this treacherous driveway is a cute little white fence. (see diagram)

Here's how things went......

Anne: ::incessant talking::

Ellen: (working on backing the van up) This isn't working. I'm about to hit the fence.

Anne:: chatter

Emily: Turn the wheel like this ::mimics rotating the wheel in the air after contemplating carefully::

Ellen: Arghhh

Anne: chatter

Emily: Anne ::full name:: no more talking till we get to the main road.

Anne: Emily ::full name:: What's the main road?

Emily: Anne

Anne: WHAT'S THE MAIN ROAD???

Ellen: Argghhh

::Bump::

::Scrape::

Ellen: Unhhh

Emily: It's ok.... just pull back up.... straighten up...

Anne: What's the main road????

Emily & Ellen: ANNE!!

So, we make it to the Pig, Ellen gets out to go in, but takes a glance at the bumper beforehand. The face says it all.

We make it home and look at the front bumper.... oh ho..... we should have taken a picture.... a huge white paint scrape from the front left of the bumper down the side of it.

We go inside. Mom's there. Ellen starts this... "everything's ok..." which just freaks Mom out more. Mom tells Ellen that Ellen is responsible for telling Dad.

Ellen & I get old towels, wet them down, and start to work on cleaning the paint off the bumper. It works quite well actually. We then make a sign for the door which reads "No farm animal zone. Thanks, The Children"

See, whenever something like this happens we state that the parent is going to have a farm animal and the child will be responsible for its care.

Dad comes home, walks through the house, finally returns to the living room where we are all awaiting the reveal. (I even got up from my nap to see this!!)

Ellen: So, how was work?

The rest except for Dad: ::snicker::

Dad: It was ok.

Ellen: Can I get you anything?

Dad: catches on that something is up

Ellen: Mountain Dew?

Dad: I had one on the way home thanks.

snickering continues

Nathan: Perhaps I could dust your head? (from Cool Runnings)

snickering increases

Emily: So we went to Mrs. Alva's today

Mom loses it

Ellen: She was doing good.

Emily: Her fence is too.

Mom continues to lose it

The situation is explained.... Dad walks out and, even though the man has been told that the paint was only on the front left bumper, he walks to the back of the van first without even looking at the front bumper. Nathan and I watch from the safety of the house. Ellen doubles over laughing or bemoaning Dad's reaction... not sure. Dad finally comes back to the front of the van and inspects.

After they get back in the "maybe this will make you more careful" "I am careful" discussion ensues.

Good times, good times.

Mississippi Em and the Archwire of Doom

2009-09-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

Yet again the presence of medication and pain and the absence of sleep provides interesting results....
"Ode" to an Archwire
Oh 16/22, why do you hate me so?
If you didn't like my little teeth
You should have just said "No."

But, no, you heavy gauge archwire
You let them jab you in
Mere resistence wasn't enough and
You let the pain begin.

But I will not be bested
By some silly little wire
Though, with sinus pressure mounting,
The situation seems quite dire.

No, I will not sit and moan.
Well, maybe a little pout
And compose a little poem
Cause one day, you'll be out!

<3 Emily

Fewer meds, more sleep

2009-09-10T10:31:00.001-07:00

So, my mouth was hurting something ferocious last night thanks to the new arch wire they put in. I took some sinus meds to relieve the pressure and aleve to attack the pain.

Somewhere in the middle of the night I had this 5 second dream. I was just awake enough to think "WHAT????"

Setting: Pirate facedown in a pool of blood (the pirate physically looks like your generic pirate but is wearing clothes quite similar to Captain Barbosa) I am standing over him.

The pirate is dying slowly and quite painfully. He asks me to roll him over and stab him in the heart to stop his suffering. I roll him over and with this spear/stake thingy I just so happen to have on my person, I stab him.... in the right side of his chest.

He looks at me, in even more pain, but no closer to death and says "Seriously???"

Goal: Less pain, fewer meds, more sleep

Anne and the never-ending strangeness

2009-03-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

Anne is a strange kid. All these were said in less than 24 hours.

Anne: Hey Hey Hey Hey (in response to me trying to spread the butter out on her roll instead of leaving it in one big pat that she could just bite)

Anne: Oh. Here you are. I thought you were dead.
Me: No.
Anne: Are you going to die today?
Me: Not that I know of.
Anne: But you might?
Me: Probably not.
Anne: Ok.

(Mom had prayed for our food and prayed that Anne would continue to grow up to be more like God)
Anne: I don't think I'll ever be as old as He is.
(Mom clarified)

Anne: I was excited about butter.

Anne: Mom, you owe me a dog.
Mom: I don't owe you anything.
Anne: You owe me a dog.
Mom: You wouldn't be able to take care of it, to walk it.
Anne: I would walk it.
Mom: You can't even go outside by yourself.
Anne: I would walk him and you could go with me.
Me: If she was going to do that she would just walk the dog.
Ellen: I didn't get a dog until I was 12.
Anne: Mom, may I get a dog when I'm twelve?
Mom: We'll talk about it when you're twelve and if it can stay out of the way of my wheelchair.
Anne: It will.

Anne: Yay for home for saving our lives from not sleeping on the street........at night.

Anne: What's personality?
(we explain)
Anne: I think that's what I have.

Oh boy does she..... never dull but quite often maddeningly talkative. :D

Stupid people....

2009-03-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

*written March 8, 2009*

Sunday School this morning referenced Isaiah 5. It talked about how God (my well-beloved) felt about His chosen Israel (the vineyard).

"Let me sing now for my well-beloved

A song of my beloved concerning His vineyard.

My well-beloved had a vineyard on a fertile hill.

He dug it all around, removed its stones,

And planted it with the choicest vine.

And He built a tower in the middle of it

And also hewed out a wine vat in it;

Then He expected it to produce good grapes,

But it produced only worthless ones.

And now, O inhabitants of Jerusalem and men of Judah,

Judge between Me and My vineyard.

What more was there to do for My vineyard that I have not done in it?

Why, when I expected it to produce good grapes did it produce worthless ones?....

For the vineyard of the LORD of hosts is the house of Israel

And the men of Judah His delightful plant.

Thus He looked for justice, but behold, bloodshed;

For righteousness, but behold, a cry of distress."

Isaiah 5:1-4, 7

STUPID ISRAEL!!!! YOU MAKE NO SENSE!!!! God had done so much for you. He delivered you from Egypt. He gave you provision even in the worst of places. He lead you to a land He had chosen for you. STUPID STUPID ISRAEL!! What more could He have done than He had already done? Why, when you had seen all this did you still produce nothing but worthlessness? Why, when you have seen His provision did you grumble? Oops.

STUPID STUPID EMILY!!!!! YOU MAKE NO SENSE!!!! God has done so much for you. He has delivered you from so many things. He has shown His lovingkindness to you in even the worst of times. He has blessed you with a life full of wonderful people and things. STUPID STUPID EMILY!! What more can He do than He has already done? Why, when you have seen all this do you still produce nothing but worthlessness? Why, when you have seen such blessings do you gripe and complain?

Forgive my wandering, complaining, wayward ways.

Cool quotes

2009-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Because Madeleine L'Engle is a deep thinker.....

Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.

We can't take any credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts.

That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along.

So I go to church, not because of any legalistic or moralistic reasons, but because I am a hungry sheep who needs to be fed; and for the same reason that I wear a wedding ring: a public witness of a private commitment.

Are anybody's parents typical?

We're afraid to be human because if we're human we might get hurt. When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability.... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.

Because J.K. Rowling is an awesome writer.....

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.

Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.

If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.

It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends.

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.

Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.

Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!

Because Jane Austen knows....

If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next.

To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain for the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive.

It sometimes happens that a woman is handsomer at twenty-nine than she was ten years before.

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.

The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love.

One does not love a place the less for having suffered in it, unless it has been all suffering, nothing but suffering.

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then.

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.

Because Tolkien is cool like this.....

"The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places. But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater."

"Never laugh at live dragons"

"... in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

"I will not say, Do not weep, for not all tears are an evil. "

"[Fairy tale] does not deny the existence of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance. It denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat...giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy; Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief."

"It's a dangerous business going out your front door."

Drei Ringe den Elbenkönigen hoch im Licht,
Sieben den Zwergenherrschern in ihren Hallen aus Stein,
Den Sterblichen, ewig dem Tode verfallen, neun,
Einer dem Dunklen Herrn auf dunklem Thron
Im Lande Mordor, wo die Schatten drohn.
Ein Ring, sie zu knechten, sie alle zu finden,
Ins Dunkel zu treiben und ewig zu binden
Im Lande Mordor, wo die Schatten drohn

All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by frost.

25 things you were probably better off not knowing...

2009-03-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

1. I am stubborn as ALL GET OUT! For the most part however, it is cleverly disguised. :)

2. I am a librarian, but I read VERY slowly (but thoroughly enjoy it)

3.I love World War II history (the people side of it - you know, the personal stories)

4. My big brother fell on my arm when I was little and fractured my arm. We were sliding.

5.I can cook....I just usually choose not to.

6. My hair doesn't curl.... it lumps....and poofs.

7. I was a My Little Pony dictator when I was younger....there were certain ones that I WOULD NOT share. I am ashamed....

8. I am actually kinda smart alecky..... it just usually goes on in my head instead of being verbalized.

9. I have almost no tolerance for benadryl....I once took two and was barely able to sit upright. :)

10. My favorite animal is strange. I love moose.

11. I've recently wondered why those in the deer family have the same form for singular and plural. (s) deer (pl) deer; (s) elk (pl) elk; (s) moose (pl) moose; (s) caribou (pl) caribou.... please prove me wrong on this...

12. Right as I was going under to have my wisdom teeth taken out, the nurse was trying to adjust the iv and had it wrong.... the doctor was like "no... do it like this"... I was too out of it to say anything....all I could think was "MOM! They don't know what they're doing!!"

13. I could spend hours browsing through the cool kitchen stuff at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. (strange considering that I don't usually choose to cook)

14. When I'm stressed I play the piano..... loudly.

15. I really like listening to The Everly Brothers, but I also like David Cook, Matchbox 20, and Michael Card (look him up).

16. I was a teacher's assistant in first grade for almost an entire year... it wore me down.

17. I have been called "Trash"

18. My favorite time of year is when the first fall breeze comes in....it makes me feel alive. :D

19. I love new school supplies.

20. In my lifetime I have had 3 pet rabbits, 3 cats, 1 dog, one of those spring colored baby chickens, and a parakeet.

21. I once helped my brothers in trying to dig a tunnel under our fort to the side of the hill.... We got in trouble...

22. We also tried to dig a cellar type thing in the front yard. Also got us in trouble...

23. I was the original princess in the Animal Army. But I was one of the cool princesses that could fight... and I ran the general store for the Animal Army.

24. The Animal Army was something my siblings and I made up to play outside. We fought with sticks and did training manuevers on the swingset.

25. Sometimes to help me fall asleep.....I pretend I am walking through a store and buying different things. I have to visualize the shelf, aisle, and the product. I also have to have some purpose for picking that product. Weird, but it works.

Disturbed? You should be.

Sunday mornings at homehome

2009-03-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

.....are interesting.

Here are some things said while getting ready for church.
Be warned... you are about to enter frightening territory.
The things you are about to read are not for the faint of heart.

"That's why they're called tights!"

"Have I moved to New York? Have I left you here like this?"

"You're naked."Disclaimer: This was said to a male member of the household who, in fact, was completely dressed for church except for his shirt.

"Brushing hair is not a once-a-week event!"

"Want to see me wrestle?"

"Peanut Butter?!? For breakfast?"

"He's moving!!!!"

"Are these pants wrinkled?""No.""I guess I'm just wrinkled."

"I was lettin' in sunlight so y'all would know where to go."

"Are y'all leaving late?"

See, I warned you....

Anne, Apricots, & a New President

2009-03-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

*written on January 20, 2009*
Today I was trying to convey the importance of the inauguration to my 4-year-old sister...
here's how it went...

Me: Obama is going to be president today

Anne: Who? Barack Obama?

Me: Yeah

Anne: Eeeee!!! I think he makes good choices.

Me: Let's hope so.

Anne: Well, for the economy at least.

Me: He's..we've had a bunch of presidents and he's the first one that is black - which is cool

Anne: Yeah. I think all the other ones were apricot.

Me: Yeah, they were white.

Anne: Like us?

Me: Yeah.

Anne: Ok. I'm going back to my coloring now.

Somehow, I think that some of the importance of the event was lost...

I'm walking, yes indeed....

2009-03-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

*written August 2, 2008*
Ok...so I learned something today...involuntarily.
FACT: It takes me exactly 10 minutes to walk to work. (somehow that seems very Dwight Schrute-esque there)

This was not a discovery I was eager to make. Especially since part of it involves a highway. It started when I got ready for work early (thank goodness). I went out to my car and cranked it...it died immediately. I cranked it again...it died immediately again. I tried a third time and no cranking....just a pathetic *click* sound. It did this the other day. (The other day I cleaned the battery posts and it cranked right up.) Well, the battery posts were still clean, there was nothing I could do right then regarding the car, and I had to be at work in 25 minutes.

So in this wonderful "feels like 97" degree weather, I started walking. The journey began on the highway on which cars zoom past much faster than they should considering they have entered city limits. The second half of the expedition is on a road just off the highway which intersects with one of the city's main roads. It is on the corner of this "off-road" and main road that work sits. Well, 10 minutes and many sweat droplets later (my elbow was sweating it was so hot outside), I make it to work. Even though the air is not working, it feels SO much better inside! Now if that wasn't enough...I was working on a teen display yesterday based on the idea of having a "license to read". I had printed out part of the bulletin board stuff, but my printer was out of color ink. I had left what I had printed out on the desk in the office. So, when I walked in this morning, one of the first things I saw was "No Car? No Gas?"...I laughed.

Never a dull moment,
Emmy

A wonderful poem

2009-03-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

Finding this poem is one of my favorite things from all those assignments from school
--------------------------------------------------
Famous
by Naomi Shihab Nye

The river is famous to the fish.

The loud voice is famous to silence,
which knew it would inherit the earth
before anybody said so.

The cat sleeping on the fence is famous to the birds
watching him from the birdhouse.

The tear is famous, briefly, to the cheek.

The idea you carry close your bosom
is famous to your bosom.

The boot is famous to the earth,
more famous than the dress shoe,
which is famous only to floors.

The bent photograph is famous to the one who carries it
and is not at all famous to the one who is pictured.

I want to be famous to shuffling men
who smile while crossing streets,
sticky children in grocery lines,
famous as the one who smiled back.

I want to be famous in the way a pulley is famous,
or a buttonhole, not because it did anything spectacular,
but because it never forgot what it could do.
--------------------------------------

So a police car pulled into my driveway...

2008-06-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently, despite rumors, life is kind of eventful around here. There was a report of a car parked at a house where it was not supposed to be. Of course, the car is the same color as mine. They sent the police officer to the wrong house. So here I am, on my day off, playing friv.com when I see the reflection of someone pulling up. I glance out expecting my landlord...nope. A city police car. :o( Is there something wrong at work? what have I done? are they kicking me out of town?

I open the blinds so that they know I'm here...and, because I don't want to just burst out of the door, I sit back down to play friv.

Seconds tick by....nothing....then my landlord is knocking on the door. "Emily! It's ____" I go to the door and he explains that the policeman was sent to the wrong house....he didn't want me to worry....and then got the policeman to explain what "he did wrong". The policeman apologized even though it wasn't a big deal...it's not like he took me in for questioning or anything... :D

Both my landlord and the policeman headed back to what they had been doing...I went inside. I heard, "Mr. _____, do you mow this yard here?" I'm thinking, oh no....I should have mowed it before Mr. ________ got to it because now I'm going to be pulled up on some type of city ordinance because I don't mow it often enough. :D Turns out he was just going to see if I needed a "yard guy". Mr. _____ apparently let it be known that he does mow my yard...a fact for which I am very grateful.

Don't think I can count today as boring.....

to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think

2008-06-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

There have been heating/cooling issues at work for over a year now. We are finally at the point of making a decision and actually getting a system. Units to heat and cool an entire building do not come cheaply. We have a lot of trees around here, but money definitely does not grow on them.

This not being my forte, I had no idea how much the whole project would cost. The information from the same project 13 years ago, however, indicated doom.

Today, we got an estimate....It was so much less than I had even dared to think. I had prayed that we would handle the situation with wisdom, but had not even thought to pray for a low cost.

This is just the first step money wise so it may turn up to be more than this, but the initial estimate being low can only be good.

This verse came to mind.....
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen
Ephesians 3:20-21

He's got this under control....I have no reason to doubt Him on anything else. He has proven Himself faithful time and time again...even when I don't think to ask.

Did you know?

2008-06-23T16:56:00.001-07:00

(written April 15, 2008)

That the person who has been stalling at the green light will decide to go the minute you give up all hope that they will and start to move?

That "The Bear went over the mountain" and "For he's a jolly good fellow" have the same tune but are used in entirely different circumstances?

That to get a new phone number you have to go to the county seat and get a form, get your landlord to fill it out, return to the county seat, let them type a bunch of information into the computer, hand you a print out with no more than 5 lines of text, and THEN take the form to the phone company where you fill out more forms?

That "you're ready to connect" does not mean you will actually be able to connect to the internet?

That "mocha" and "caramel" obviously sound a lot alike?

That big spiders are creepy, but that big DEAD spiders are even creepier?

That you can watch 50 episodes of "Young Hercules" thanks to hulu.com?

That all these fascinating discoveries can be made in one crazy week?

I am SO tired.

Tick, Tick, Tick

2008-06-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

(written March 29, 2008)

Ok....within a matter of days I will be, beyond any shadow of a doubt, in my mid-twenties. I can no longer claim to be in my early twenties. I have reached that "point of no return" and am on the steep slope to my late-twenties.... ;o) Coinciding with the marking of this quite daunting milestone is the completion of my first full year at my current job. What all have I accomplished in the last year?

I think some good things, but they all seem to run together. Now for a "brief" review of the last year....I've moved into my own place to which the local police have only been called once. :) I have been hit by a deer resulting in the loss of a portion of my front bumper. I have been pulled over for pulling out of my driveway. I have driven out of state (ok...maybe I should have already done that but c'mon). I have traveled overnight via Greyhound without knowing anyone else on it.

Anyhoo. A few weeks ago I was plagued by a series of joint and muscle pains. This, along with the looming age increase, motivated me to do perhaps just a little better than I had been. Maybe this way I can prolong the need for a cane until, let's say...maybe 55. ;o) I have since been making a serious effort to eat things like... vegetables and... fruit!!! I even bought myself a box of Raisin Bran and I'm actually eating it! Ok, so I also bought a pint of chocolate milk which I took down in one sitting. (I can't be too drastic you know or my body might go into shock) ;o)

I also purchased an "air bike". woot. I put it together all by myself! Beyond just purchasing it....I have actually ridden it!!!! Sadly, my favorite part of getting it was the addition of three cute little tools to my recently gifted tool kit (I have an unhealthy fascination with Allen wrenches and this one is magnificent!) The process of putting the bike together took me an entire evening. Upon "completion" of the putting together, I realized that I still had 4 washers left over. Oops. I thought about just leaving them off, but I located their position on the very confusing and intimidating diagram which looked like it might be some military secret.So my random ramblings.....Sorry you wasted your time reading them. I am going to start whittling my cane just in case.

The land of the in between, tired wings, and a place to land

2008-06-23T16:54:00.000-07:00

(written March 7, 2008)

Ok. There have been countless news stories on mothers dealing with their "little birds" leaving the nest. This makes sense but I have yet to see a story on the poor little birds. I have to tell you that this little bird's wings are tired.

This has been a rough few weeks. I am in the "wonderful" land of the 'in between', also known as life. I am no longer comfortable where I used to be but I am painfully lonely where I am now. Home home is still unendingly dear to me and will always be, but it is not the same as it once was. Strangely, when I am there I am at home but not quite completely at home (hence the "home home"). Home, on the other hand, is an adventure, sometimes fun, sometimes scary, and, quite often, lonely. I know that God had a plan for me when I moved here and I know that, even though I can't see it and definitely don't feel it, His plan is still there. For now I am trudging through this daily life and hoping for even a small glimpse of that plan, preferably sooner rather than later. I am quite sure that God didn't have me move so I could dwindle away in my loneliness. What the plan or purpose is.....I honestly have no idea. Here's to watching for the plan, a landing place, and resting my tired wings!

Wrong turns, evil stoves, & "adulthood"

2008-02-28T14:57:00.000-08:00

*written 2/26/08*

Ok....so this has not been the best of days. We were supposed to have a Brown Bag Luncheon today. Unfortunately, on her way from the nearish by town where she was staying, the author took a wrong turn and ended up over an hour away from the library (at the time the program was supposed to start). It is difficult getting a group to actually come to the program and when there was a decent group there....the author didn't make it. :( Such is life. I handled that, IMHO, quite well though perhaps not a swiftly as I will next time (forbid that it should happen again ). The majority of the people who had come to hear her were quite kind about it and spent the time chatting and visiting with one another. Even though it turned out ok it was still quite draining.

In other news, for the last week and half (at least) my arms have been aching for no apparent reason...this is quite annoying and interferes with daily functioning to a slight degree. (I mean, who wants to take tylenol all day just so they are not driven crazy by the constant awareness of their arms. I know, sounds weird).

Anyhoo....the work day was over and I went home. Having depleted my stockpile of easily nuked frozen dinners, I pulled out some dry soup mix and began to heat it up (ON THE STOVE!!!! WOW!!!!) (ok....it didn't have microwave instructions or I would have done that) The water came to a boil and I "gently whisked" in the mix as the package directed. The soup began to boil over so, as I kept stirring, I reached to turn down the eye....ZZZAPPP! A shock ran up my left arm. Ok.....apparently I built up a slight electric charge. The soup was still boiling over as my zapped attempt did not get the stovetop turned down enough. I reached back to turn it down and got an even longer and quite QUITE painful shock (this is what it would look like if I were in a comic strip: ZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!! OWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!). Not static electricity apparently. I grabbed the pot holder and used it as a buffer while I turned down the eye. I WAS JUST TRYING TO COOK MYSELF SOME SOUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!!!!!!!! Because I am such an adult and handle things like this extremely well, (see previous sentence ;o) ) I take my frustrations out on the counter (all I did was hit the counter with the pot holder resulting in a series of loud and quite stress relieving "POP"s.) This however is not enough and I break down....ever so slightly.....it's been a long day and crying for a minute always seems to help...or it at least ensures that you don't break down crying sometime within the next day over something not even remotely upsetting.

I then called my wonderful Dad who answered the phone right before his play practice. :) (Hero points) He assured me that my stove was not supposed to zap me. (Something I had begun to question)

So here I am at the end of the day and even though I have related this story to the few people I know I can call and they have to listen to me...I still do not feel relieved. I choose to harbour a grudge against my stove. :) The oven part I hold completely without fault. It baked some very nice lasagna. The stove top, however, has some making up to do if it is to be welcomed again. It's not quite a "my good opinion, once lost, is lost forever" situation, but it has a way to go. I now feel as though there is an enemy in my house (though I am the only breathing thing in here). There is a slightly more intense pain in (as opposed to the constant awareness of) my left elbow now which I choose to blame on the stove.

On the up side, the soup was absolutely wonderful....I jazzed it up with some bacon bits and an amount of garlic salt which I am sure will protect me from vampires for at least the next week.

BTW, if you haven't noticed (which I think you probably have), I absolutely LOVE parenthesis. :)

P.S. apparently I was not totally cried out because I teared up at "Your Song" from Moulin Rouge. :)

"Wrinkle in Time", Java Chiller, & Adulthood

2008-02-28T14:52:00.001-08:00

Ok...so I've been listening to "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle for the past 6 months. (I really like it :) ) This is a great quote from it..."Meg hesitated....She wanted to reach out and grab Calvin's hand, but it seemed that ever since they had begun their journeyings she had been looking for a hand to hold, so she stuffed her fists into her pockets and walked along behind the two boys. -- I've got to be brave, she said to herself. -- I will be."

Very motivating, right? Ok..that being said, let me tell you how that quote, a weekend alone, and a Java Chiller resulted in a police car in my driveway. :)

This past weekend, I actually stayed at home instead of going home home. This meant that following church and lunch I had an entire Sunday afternoon to myself. I drove and found an internet connection (completely legal one FYI) and spent about an hour checking email, purchasing songs, etc. To complement this wonderful Sunday afternoon activity I decided to go get a Mocha Java Chiller from Sonic (they are really good, you need to try one). I took my Java Chiller home and wasted the rest of the afternoon watching portions of Masterpiece Theater and random movies. This feeling of going to Sonic just because I wanted to made me feel very much like an adult (because adults, as you know, spend all their spare time going to Sonic). This feeling does not happen very often. In fact, it was such a novel feeling that I even noted it on my calendar - "felt like an adult". This should have given me a clue that something was going to go wrong. Preparing to go to evening church, I turned my cell phone on silent, like any good Christian would ;o). After church, which was quite good, I got in my car and headed home. Now, I normally call someone as I'm walking in at my house - it is precaution of sorts. Well, I decided that this time I was not going to call...("Wrinkle in Time" has apparently become part of my subconcious workings). I was going to be brave and walk to my front door. That went well and I felt very good. I opened my phone and started to dial home, but changed my mind. I am ALWAYS calling home. I was not going to be the one to call this time. I closed my phone, fixed some supper, and went about watching Masterpiece Theater (which happened to be showing Jane Austen's "Mansfield Park" - one I have not yet read). It was quite good - people being all confused about who they really love and such but realizing their true feelings in the last 15 minutes or 3 chapters- typical Jane Austen. I got to thinking at one point, "Why hasn't anyone called?" I was a little sad but again, being stubborn, I was not going to be the one to call. I went on watching Mr. Crawford try to woo Fanny to no avail when I heard a vehicle pull into my front yard. Not good! No one ever turns in here! Then there was a rapid knock on my deck door. Also not good because the light bulbs I put in after finally getting the broken bulb out (which caused my thumb to bleed profusely by the way) were mimicing strobe lights and I did not want to cause anyone passing by on the road to have a seizure. I went to the door, pulled back the shade, and heard from a source I could not see "Hey!" Ah! "I'm ________, the pastor's wife." Oh, ok. Oh, crud! What is this? I opened the door. "You're mother wants you to call her". ???? Oh double crud... "I must have left my phone on silent", I said along with an abundance of apologies. She was very nice and said that she completely understood, that she is a mother. I continued to apologize as she headed back to the vehicle at which point I realized there is some man silhouetted against the vehicle's headlights. I began to close the door and heard her say "Thank you, officer!". Oh MY GOODNESS!! The local police had been called out to my house. The calendar note definitely needed an amendment, which it got. As if that wasn't enough, I went to pay my rent a few days later. My landlord also happens to be my next door neighbor. I was going to quickly drop off my check and head back to work. He came over to the desk and said "Now, Emily, let me ask you a personal question. Well...not a personal question...." Oh wonderful... "........We got back to our house and saw a police car outside your house. We weren't sure if you had gotten spooked or if you had a guest...."

::sigh::

So....This is my life.I am very glad that my family would be searching for me if something were to happen. I am more angry at myself for feeling like an adult and then messing it up. Is there ever a point where you get comfortable with this adult feeling? and don't mess it up? Or are there just more mess-ups to dread?

Though it seems kind of dangerous, I am not yet ready to give up "Wrinkle in Time" or Java Chillers. I will attempt to isolate other factors to see if they are the root cause of the "felt like an adult mess-up". I might begin with the internet connection.....as it is certainly not the forgetting to turn my cellphone off of silent. ;o)

Saturday, January 07, 2006

2008-02-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

Hey....I just read this the other day and it kind of sums up how I felt sometimes this week starting my new job.
"...they are all nice, kind, motherly souls, who like me and whom I like, and that is why what they said, or hinted, had such undue weight with me. ..I was crazy going to Redmond and trying to take a B.A., and ever since I've been wondering if I am. Mrs. Peter Sloane sighed and said she hoped my strength would hold out till I got through; and at once I saw myself a hopeless victim of nervous prostration at the end of my third year; Mrs. Eben Wright said it must cost an awful lot to put in four years at Redmond; and I felt all over me that it was unpardonable in me to squander Marilla's money and my own on such a folly; Mrs. Jasper Bell said she hoped I wouldn't let college spoil me, as it did some people; and I felt in my bones that the end of my four Redmond years would see me a most insufferable creature, thinking I knew it all, and looking down on everything and everybody in Avonlea; Mrs. Elisha Wright said she understood that Redmond girls, especially those who belonged to Kingsport, were 'dreadful dressy and stuck-up,' and she guessed I wouldn't feel much at home among them; and I saw myself, a snubbed, dowdy , humiliated country girl shuffling through Redmond's classic halls in copper-toned boots."
~Anne of the Island
Ok....not the exact situation, but it made me realize how easily I lose confidence. Someone makes a statement and I automatically imagine the worst and see myself falling on my face.
Work did go pretty well....my throat is a little sore from talking above the roar, but it got better as the week went.
Be warned....I would really like to semi-rant about something and might do so if I ever have the time.